94) Get immediate medical help when you have something inside of your chest.
93) HIDE SECRET LOVE LETTERS. Preferably in high places where scrawny 13 year olds can't reach them, or go looking for it.
92) Keira Knightley can dive well off a diving board.
91) "Hot weather encourages loose morals" HELL YEAH IT DOES.
90) Don't hesitate making your first lie, even if it would be a crime. You have good chance to tell the truth in your 21st book.
89) A chocolate bar could be highly dangerous in the hands of a 15 y.o. redhead girl. If you have to have it, be sure it has a brand other than "amo", and be sure to eat it correctly: never ever bitting. Otherwise, you will have someone killed either on the French coast or in a British subway station, and some other lying all the way to her death. And yourself, will never get away from chocolate and your chocolatey husband.
88) When two boys run away, stay at home.
87) Never take candy from strangers.
86) When going to medical school on a rich guy's dime, opt for early admission.
85) Never leave one's chic white bathing suit and inflatable flotation device at home when spending the night in an underground subway.
84) Lost twins will be just fine if nobody looks for them until morning.
83) It is prudent to avoid venturing into dark wooded areas at night with men who give you wrist abrasions in daytime.
82) Police would belive that a gardener can have sex twice in a single night before finding a pair of lost twins.
81) No one knows who's ever been to Poland.
80) The best way to escape having to care for your twin brothers while your selfish parents dump you to tend to their divorce is to seduce a heir to a chocolate empire.
79) By all means send a kid who you know is a trouble maker and has a crush on you on an important errand such as delivering a note.
78) Robbie writes very anatomical letters.
77) 80 year old dementia riddled authors absolutly are the bastians of truth in interviews.
76) Make sure the letter your sister is holding is the "naughty" letter that you think it is before you shout out "Give it here!" awkwardly in front of everyone at the dinner table.
75) I think we all knew what Keira was talking about in the library...we knew before she did.
74) Do not raise your hand to prevent someone from cutting his or her foot. Just one step closer to being labeled a "sex maniac."
73) If you have septicemia during wartime, try not to go to sleep the night before you get to return home.
72) Always keep the first pornographic note you recieve in an easy to rummage drawer or jewlerybox.
71) If you have the boring "brother" part in a movie make sure you nuance your performance with slightly incestous glances at your "sister".
70) Robbie hears jungle drums and they tell him things...like Briony is putting on a play
69) Lola has fabulous taste in clothing--in men, not so much.
68) Some women do end up marrying the men who rape them, and it wasn't just a weird footnote in my sociology book.
67) If your not a real member of an aristocratic family don't bother bringing the lost kids back cos you will still get accused for something you didn't do!
66) The Olivier method of acting is back, bitchnaz!
65) That green dress was EASY ACCESS, people, EASY ACCESS! (Joe said so)
64) Even during wars, there is always that creepy crazy oblivious guy tanning at the beach.
63) Never lose sight of the fat twins.
62) Subway stations are never a good idea in ANY situation, let alone ones where your life is at stake.
61) Fountains, libraries and Summer are dangerous when combined.
60) Emily Tallis was soooo wasted it's not even funny.
59) If you have a sister, rip her eyes out to prevent her from seeing things that she doesn't understand.
58) When you feel rather foolish and lightheaded in someone else's presence, a one-night stand is probably the safest option.
57) If you're going to have sex:
a. Make sure the door is locked
b. Make sure the girl is at least of age
c. Make sure it's not in the middle of the woods, during a search party
56) To avoid the need for a and c above, explain the "birds and the bees" to your little sister.
55) There is nothing more distracting than a ferris wheel.
54) Horses are better at playing dead than French schoolgirls
53) Horses are very good actors
52) Even in the worst war situation, you'll still be able to ride a ferris wheel, watch a movie or get your feet washed by someone that looks like your mother.
51) Seeing James McAvoy in this movie will then require you to go out and rent every movie he has ever been in.
50) Even a psychotic, emotionally dead virgin-for-life can be a success.
49) There are parts for actresses so old they look like they've been in the grave for a few years.
48) Run your own errands
47) If a loved one sends you a postcard with a picture of a beach house on it, get that septicemia checked out.
46) Be sure to atone ASAP. Mini-strokes might get you.
45) Mistakenly sending your crush an explicit note, will undoubtedly be the key to breaking the proverbial ice in the Library. Works every time!
44) Cecilia loves Robbie, will wait for him, and wants him to come back to her.
43) Briony is very, very sorry for the terrible distress she has caused you. She is very, very sorry.
42) You shouldn’t necessarily believe everything Briony tells you. She's rather fanciful.
41) If Cecilia had been allowed to visit you, if they had let her, every day, she would have been there every day.
40) Robbie plans on paying Cecilia’s father back.
39) That’s not what Cecilia meant at all!
38) A hairstyle you had when you're 13 doesn't really look good on you when you're 130.
37) When you're son is arrested by the police, it's generally a good idea not to attack the police car with an umbrella.
36) When writing your autobiography, feel free to change things around. You'll forget it soon anyway, so best to reread it with a happy ending.
35) When you lie about something, wait a good five years before realizing the damage you've done. Chances are, everyone's lives will be ruined, so you won't have anything to feel guilty about.
34) Completely believe every word an author writes when they suffer from dementia.
33) James McAvoy is amazingly hot, especially in this movie.
32) Always pack a lot of extra matches when going to a war.
31) If you are responsible for the downfall of two innocent people, write a book and give them a happy ending to make yourself feel better.
30) Always invite a guest into the library before dinner...
29) Lock the damn door.
28) It's okay to hurt the people you love, as long as you imagine them happy in the end.
27) Don't save Briony next time she jumps in the water. (Woulda solved everything)
26) When you're rich.. the most valuable thing you own is an ugly vase.
25) If you get the lead role, Briony gets to be the damned director!
24) Parents will always trust and listen to the younger sibling when it comes to charging a family friend with statutory rape.
23) Trying to drown won't make a person love you.
22) When you're done hallucinating, put your boots back on.
21) The best way to show how much you love a girl is to send her a letter describing your fantasies of her vagina;
20) I am perfectly capable of falling in love with a fictional character.
19) If you have the chance you should not by any means hesitate to have unprotected sex, especially if it's in a library which anyone can walk into; 17) Cambridge is a better place because Briony didn't go to school there.
18) If you like one sibling, before making any moves, make sure the other one doesn't have a crush on you.
16) No music playing in the background is the key to a successful sex scene.
15) It is impossible to find drinking water in Dunkirk, even when alcohol is flowing freely.
14) If you dream of having sex with someone all day (and who doesn't ?)... you are a sex maniac and nothing good will become of you.
13) You have to let the love of your life get on the bus, let the bus leave and then chase the bus for dramatic effect. By doing this, you are showing that you can run, love the chase and that your life story is being written by an 80 year old hopeless romantic.
12) Don't expect to finish writing, cast, rehearse, and perform a play all in the same day. It's not going to happen.
11) Three and a half minutes of hot library sex can lead to a lifetime of misery.
10) Don't follow a delirious man not wearing boots
9) Throwing one down the stairs versus breaking one's neck then and there is indeed a tough call.
8) If you're meeting someone you love after 3 1/2 years apart, make sure to get the directions to the place of rendevous so that you won't be late.
7) Always humour the hallucinations of a dying, French soldier.
6) Learn how to clip your nails with your left hand because if you can't find anyone to do it for you, you're doomed. Briony won't always be around, y'know.
5) Your father is wrong, there will be a war.
4) The C-word makes Robbie giggly.
3) A good mother will show up to beat on the hood of the police car that is taking her son to jail.
2) Library sex is so mind-blowing, you can ride off those fumes for a few chaste years afterwards.
1) There is no Briony.